Coaches vs. Fathers, Who Do We Need More Of?

As Father's Day has come and gone, I now have time to reflect on the importance, or lack of importance, of the role of the father in the lives of young men today. The conclusion that I came to is that the role is vitally important. I want to throw a question out there: If you had to choose which parental role was more important to the successful upbringing of a child, is it the mother or the father? Now, before you answer that question, I do ask that you pause for a minute, take a deep breath, and put aside all emotion. Once you have done that, I then ask that you give me an honest answer. If I had to guess, for a variety of reasons, the majority of you would say the mothers are more important. I’ll come back to that later.

I thought back to when my nephew was playing little league football and I coached him for 3 seasons. (Disclaimer: this was before I had children). I can remember many single mothers dropping their boys off to "Coach Lump" for practice each day and for our games on Saturdays. These mothers would put 100% trust in me and the other coaches for the safety, direction, correction, discipline, and development of their kids. I can remember as the seasons would go on, they would come up to me and thank me for giving their sons a "male role model" to pattern their lives after. They would talk about how well their sons were doing in school, how their attitudes had changed around the house toward doing their chores, and most importantly, that they had started to see the value in education. Coach Lump did all he could for those few hours each week to teach "life lessons" to these young men. He didn't spend a whole lot of time teaching the game of football. That was the easy part. The hard part was teaching boys how to be men!

As I got to know the kids and their parents, or shall I say, their mothers, the more they would confide in me. Eventually, I would start to ask the hard questions. Why haven’t I seen the dad here at practice or at the games? I heard everything from he was locked up to he simply wasn’t around--which we know can mean anything. I walked away every time thinking to myself, "Why do you trust me to teach life lessons to your sons and will hold me accountable, but won't trust his father and hold him accountable?” Because these young men were that important to me, I did the best I could for them. But it saddens me to know that, by the numbers, the coach has more authority to teach and discipline a woman's son, than his own father. However, I do have hope that 2010 is the year that fathers begin to take their rightful place in the lives in our young men.

Brothers, I know that single fatherhood is challenging. I know “baby mama drama” can push you over the edge at times. But the bottom line is this, it is not about you, it is not about the mother, it is about the children. We coaches cannot do the job of raising your sons. That is your job as a father. Our job as a coach is to supplement your training and build on the foundation you have set for them. I am an equal opportunity writer, so sisters; please stop lying to these boys telling them you are mommy and daddy too.

To answer the question from earlier…neither parent is more important than the other. The roles are different, but equally important. A child has the DNA of both parents and it takes both parents to develop these kids into well rounded adults. As a father of two, Coach Lump knows that it starts at home. Coach Lump can do what he can. However, more fathers are needed than coaches in order to make the biggest impact in the lives of our kids, especially our sons!

The NFL and NBA – Fool’s Gold For The Black Man

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By: LaVaron Lumpkin

For the life of me I have yet to figure out why we, as a race, and as parents, continue to fall for the age old myth that professional sport, especially football and basketball, is our way to a better life. Can anyone answer that question for me? Only 1 of every 17 high school football players will go on to play college football, at any level. Only 1 of every 50 college football players will get drafted into the NFL.

Consequently, 8 of every 10,000 high school football players will go pro. The numbers for basketball doesn’t fair any better. Actually the odds are worst when you consider the NBA draft is 60 players. Trying to make it to the NBA, the odds are 40 in 10,000,000. Even with these odds, every black boy that is born with a little bit of size is automatically thought to be a future football or basketball player. Just reading those numbers should make us scratch our heads and wonder why.

I know this is not popular to say, but when we have daughters, we preach and teach education, and we are relentless in preparing them to survive in this mean and cold world. We make sure they do their homework, we make sure they are involved in educational extra curricular activities, and give them every academic advantage that we can afford. I guess that is because their means of achieving success is with their brain power. We will do the same with our boys too, well, if they are uncoordinated and/or don’t have an athletic bone in their body. We know since they don’t have a career in sports, then they HAVE to make it with their brains. These kids may be involved in sports, but only for recreational purposes.

The athletes, on the other hand, are taught to make sports their god, and education, at best is something to fall back on. The major problem is, because, the parents have crippled these boys to be failures in life. If you believe these high school and college coaches that tell you how great your sons are, really love them, you are in bad shape. They see these boys as a paycheck. In case you haven’t connected the dots, high school and college sports is the equivalent of Modern Day Slavery. These schools make millions of dollars off the bodies and abilities of your boys, basically for almost free. When they are no longer useful to the coaches or the schools, they are sent back to you broke, busted, and disgusted. They end up living in your basement, with no skills, no job, and NO DEGREE. So ask yourself, is the failure theirs, or ours as parents?

I am not saying don’t let your sons play sports. I feel there are very important “life lessons” that are taught and learned when playing sports. However, I am asking you to change your way of thinking when you approach sports. Instead, how about making your sons’ education the top priority and let sports be something to fall back on?

The same intensity that we put into our daughters education, we need to put that same intensity into our sons. Why? I’m glad you asked. We have more black men in prison than in college. We have more black women raising their kids alone because the men are not equipped with the skills to provide unless they make the fast money. When that doesn’t work out, they are in trouble.

I asked the parents earlier in the article, whose failure is it…our sons, or ours as parents? The answer is easy; it’s the parent’s failure. Our sons are only doing what they have been conditioned to do their whole lives. Go for broke when it comes to sports with no lifeline. The good news is there is no better time to make a change in the way our sons are raised than today. Raise them to be educated men instead of pro athletes and our next generation will reap the benefits. Until next time…

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Why Athlete’s Cheat On Their Wives – The Real Story

By LaVaron Lumpkin

I want to first comment on Tiger Wood’s apology to the public by asking “Why? Why? Why?” He owes none of us an apology. The only people he owes an apology to are his wife, children, family, and business partners. He owes the game of golf nothing. He owes the media nothing. And he owes me and you nothing…so please, get over it! And to the mistresses that have publicly said they want an apology from him...are you serious? It’s not like you didn’t know who he was and that he had a wife and kids. The last time I checked, that makes you all “Home wreckers”! Therefore, if anyone should be apologizing, you all should apologize to his wife and kids for the damage that you caused and be accountable to the roles that you played in this whole circus!

Whew, now that I have gotten my venting off my chest, let’s get down to business. If you read the title and thought this was going to be an article calling out the men so the women can jump up and cheer, I apologize. This is not going to be good reading for you. I want to keep it real by stating the facts. Fact number 1, if you are a girlfriend or a mistress, you have nothing to gripe about when you find out you are not the only girlfriend and/or mistress. You get a little more status when you are engaged. But you are not truly going to be considered as significant unless you are his wife. Fact number 2, these guys are only going to be as faithful as their options. Since he is rich and famous, those options are going to be plenty. So, I hate to lay the heavy stuff on you, but odds are, your husbands can, have, and will cheat on you. Fact number 3, chances are, you were once one of the groupies that you now get upset about chasing after your man. Have you forgotten the rules to the game? If you move your feet, you lose your seat! Final fact, if you want him to be faithful, your best option would have been to not ever have gotten married.

The average shelf life of a professional athlete is about 7 years, give or take. They have a small window of opportunity to cash in the big money and take advantage of all the perks that lifestyle has to offer. This definitely includes the women that make themselves available. But, just like the athletes shelf life, these women have a short shelf life to cash in and marry that professional jock. Their looks will fade as they hit their 30’s and the attention will turn from them to the up and coming 20 year old groupies that have yet to be affected by age, hard living, partying, and gravity. Therefore, these women cannot lose their edge. The same things that were done to get that athlete are the same things that need to be done to keep him….if not more.

I still haven’t answered the question in the title yet. Well, the answer is simple. He doesn’t trust that you married him because of who he is as a person. If he wasn’t rich, would you have gone out of your way to get his attention? Let me answer that for you….Hell to the No! Yeah, you may eventually grow to care about him. But chances are you are not any different than the other groupies. He just married you for whatever reason. Most of the time, it is because you had his child/children and it’s “cheaper to keep her”. His heart isn’t in it with you anymore than yours was in it with him. The natural order is for the man to chase the woman. When you are a groupie, and you are chasing the man…you have sealed your fate….FOREVER! Since you were a groupie, that won the prize, doesn’t mean you won his heart. So don’t be surprised when he still has other groupies on the side in other cities. You asked for this life when you entered that world.

Disclaimer: This does not apply to all professional athletes…just the ones that married groupies.

Why Don’t We Hold Our Black Athletes Accountable? Everyone Else Does!

By LaVaron Lumpkin

Gilbert Arenas took guns into the locker room, or as the rest of us call it, “The Workplace”. I have heard complaint after complaint that the NBA is being too hard on him by suspending him for the remainder of the season. I am curious to understand where this is coming from. Truth be told, if you or I bring guns, loaded or not, into the workplace, we don’t get suspended, we get fired! As for the criminal charges…all I will say is, “Dude, did you not see what happened to Plaxico Burress last year?” Arenas got exactly what he deserved. Hopefully, the rest of the wanna-be thugs will take notice that you are given a gift that allows you to realize your financial dreams and stop the stupidity that jeopardizes that opportunity.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard somebody say, “Tiger Woods wouldn’t be going through this if he had married a black woman”, I would be financially secure. Newsflash people…the race of Wood’s wife is not what got him in hot water, it was his adultery that did it. When you are a celebrity of that magnitude, there are 2 things you have to realize. First, you should not publicly criticize other athletes for their mistakes like he did to Michael Vick. At that time, Vick, had gotten caught, Woods hadn’t. Second, you know that the same people that build you up are the first to knock you down the first chance you give them. I thought Tiger was smarter than to do what he did, but hey, I guess not. Regardless, it was not the white woman that brought him down, it was his own arrogance that did him in.

Since Michael Vick’s name was mentioned, let me get him too. I have friends that are season ticket holders and was upset that Atlanta didn’t bring him back. Let’s see, he committed a felony, lied to his boss about it, and on top of that, was not a hard worker. I don’t know about you, but at my job, if I did those things, they would fire me in a second. So what’s there not to understand why the Falcons terminated his contract and didn’t bring him back? “Aww, LaVaron, I know he did wrong, but they could have brought him back.” So I guess because he is Michael Vick, he should not be responsible for what he did? At best, if all of his dogs won every fight, he would have made about $200K - $400K. Between his contracts with the Falcons and Nike alone, he was bringing in close to $20 million. Need I say more?

Hey LaVaron, why don’t you ever say anything bad about the white athletes? You only come down on the black ones. Well, I’m glad you asked. Truth of the matter is this; the average white athlete is not doing dumb stuff like dog fighting, bringing guns to the locker room, shooting themselves in the leg at a nightclub, with an unregistered gun, and expecting preferential treatment because they are professional athletes. They go to work everyday, make the most of their careers, and pick up as many endorsements as they can, then transition into broadcasting for one of the major networks when their athletic career is over where they continue to make millions of dollars. When will the black athletes realize that their idiotic behavior when they are young will cost them even more when they are older?

I can tell you a good starting point. Instead of letting them get away with things when they are young, simply because they have a talent, how about as parents, you start disciplining them the same as you would a non-athlete. You should stop passing them when they should fail. Maybe if you start doing your job as parents, teachers, and leaders, then maybe these athletes, and future professional athletes, can be saved from these colossal mistakes as adults.

“Stop Hating on White Women That Date Black Athletes”

by LaVaron Lumpkin

Now that I have your attention, I want to say two things. First, I am an equal opportunity writer. The last article, “Why I Would Never Draft A Black Quarterback”, rubbed a lot of black men the wrong way. Well, sisters, it’s your turn now. Second, before you even go down the path of Ken’s son hates black women, or better yet, hates his own race in general; I want you to know that is far from the truth. Anyone that knows me personally will attest to that. They will also attest that I have very high standards for my race, the men in particular. And those closest to me knows that my family structure is that I am happily married to a beautiful black woman, have the smartest and most beautiful daughter walking the earth, and a newborn son, that his grandfather has already pegged to be an astronaut. However, I do not pull punches and make concessions for our shortcomings and failures. I speak the truth and nothing but….so hear goes Round 2!

With all the recent controversy surrounding Tiger Woods and his affairs, it is being said, “Here goes another prominent black athlete that is married to a white woman, and has taken a fall.” You can name a long list of prominent black athletes that have dated or married interracially. From Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, Barry Bonds, Michael Strahan, and the most infamous one of all, O.J. Simpson. Now, I cannot speak for these men’s personal feelings for why they allegedly date only white women. That is a question that they have to answer. But honestly, they don’t owe anyone any explanations because, at the end of the day, it is their choice and none of our business. However, I will say this, as a black man who has dated interracially before I got married; I dated the best available woman in my life at that time, with no regrets. To me, it was not about their skin color, or where they were from…it was about who they were as people. Just my personal feelings, I think the public see these couples together, and without knowing them, as people, what circumstances brought them together or any other dynamics of their relationship, and begin to pass judgment on the mere fact that they are an interracial couple. And that is flat out wrong!

Bottom line is this. Black women, you need to take that chip off your shoulder and start recognizing that you are constantly coming up short and on the losing end because of your mouths and your attitudes. I can honestly tell you, its not your looks, it’s not your style, but it’s definitely the way you come off not only to athletes, but to black men in general. You are sitting around complaining about a situation, but taking absolutely no accountability, no action, nor are you making any changes to make it better for yourself.

So LaVaron, whatever do you mean? Well, I’m glad you asked. How many times do we hear black women talking about “I don’t need a man?” “I got my own money, I got my own job, I got my own place to stay, and I can take care of myself!” Newsflash Sisters…that’s not something to brag about anymore than some idiot father bragging about paying child support! You are grown, it is an expectation, and it is what you are supposed to do! But that same passion and ridiculous self-glorification that you are bragging over is that same passion that you come to us with, and makes us, black men, want to have no part of you. Truth is you don’t hear men walking around bragging about having a job, car, money, or a house (except the rappers of course). We don’t brag about that because, we know that is what is expected of us. If you don’t hear anything else, hear this…if you don’t need us then we don’t want you.

The definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions and expect different results. This has been the attitude that black women have exemplified for as long as I can remember, and as you can see, the results are falling right in line. While you have your chip on your shoulder, you are losing more and more of your men to white women who have understood and mastered the art of wooing a man. The difference is they, white women, are equal opportunity wooers (if that is a word). The proof is in the pudding! They are winning the hearts, and wallets, of your men as you sit on the sideline missing the boat and complaining about a situation that you are in total control of.

Just to give a little background; I grew up playing football and basketball. I played a few years of college football. I have been at an HBCU and I graduated from a predominantly white college. So I saw it from both sides. Also, keep in mind that athletes run in the same circles. So I know guys that played at Division 1 schools, and I have quite a few friends and former teammates that made it to the NFL. The one thing that has been consistent when it came to women is the difference in the attitudes. At the end of the day, they all want the same thing. But they go about it different ways. A lot of it has to do with upbringing. We, as black people, raise our daughters to be independent. That is absolutely the right thing to do. You have to be able to take care of yourself. From what I understand, white parents do the same. However, I think we take it overboard to the point that our daughters grow up feeling as though they don’t need a man. What transpire into adulthood is black athletes, and black men in general, are the focus of the black women wooing him, and white women wooing him. Black women come with that ugly chip on her shoulder, and white women do not. This is because she has been brought up differently. She was raised to understand that a woman needs a man, and a man needs a woman. The end result is he, the black athlete, gets rich, and takes the one with less drama along for the ride…the white woman. Not because she is prettier or smarter. But because she knows how to connect to him better. Black women take notes!

Sisters, listen up. If you want the situation to change, you better recognize some things that are not pretty. You are at a disadvantage all the way around. First off, statistically, you are less likely to date outside your race than any other race that I can think of…but black men will date outside the race more often. Therefore, your pool of available men is pretty much black men but the pool shrinks from the start. Unfortunately, black men are far more likely to end up going through the criminal justice system, which in most cases will have a financial impact on their lives. When you count the higher percentage of black men that are either incarcerated or die prematurely, you have shrunk your pool by 30% right off the top. Of what’s leftover, you have to account for how many are 100% heterosexual. That shrinks your pool even more. When you do the math, the ideal 1 to 1 ratio has now gone to about 7 to 1(women to men). At this point, you cannot afford to make yourself any less marketable by having that “I don’t need a man” attitude that I spoke about. When you do that, you have left yourself even less options. And face it; no other race faces these obstacles.

So instead of hating on white women accusing them of taking your black men, what few you have left, away from you. How about looking in the mirror and seeing the truth. Which is, they are not taking them away; you are pushing the men right into their open arms. You can continue to try to justify your behavior and blame us by saying we can’t handle a strong black woman. Truth is, we adore and love strong black women. Your problem is you are confusing drama, big mouths, and bad attitudes for strength. When you recognize the difference, and make some changes, you will stop being insane, and start seeing some different results. However, if what you want to continue to attract are the thugs, with their pants hanging off their butts, then keep on doing what you are doing. If you want different results and to cash in on the real men out there, then change your attitudes and change your ways.

I will close by reminding everyone, I have a daughter. The best example that she can see is me and my wife loving each other, leaning on each other, and depending on each other. I cannot be mommy and daddy anymore than my wife can. She can try to do my role. But she can’t do it like me and when she does, something else is going to suffer. I cannot do her role like she can. I can try, but something else suffers. It is my desire to walk my daughter down the aisle one day, many years from now, and give her to a man that is going to love her, cherish her, support her, and protect her, just like I do. I know that will not happen for her if she is raised with that ugly chip on her shoulder that she doesn’t need a man. She has needed a man from the day she came into this world. That man was me. The same way I needed a woman and my son needed a woman the day we came into the world…for me it was my mother, and now my wife. For now with my son, it is his mother.

Hating on the women of other races are not going to bring your men back to you. The only thing that will do that is a change of attitude.

Why I Would Never Draft a Black Quarterback

By LaVaron Lumpkin

Before I get into the meat of my subject, let me start out by introducing myself. I am the son of the owner and publisher, Ken Lumpkin.

I am a 38 year old, married father of a young daughter and newborn son. My father and I have been discussing certain subjects that we don’t always see eye to eye on. So let me warn you now, I will make some of you mad when you read my articles. I am ok with that. I will always be open to feedback and open to discussion. All I ask in return is to be respectful in your responses and keep it clean. Now that we have gotten the boring stuff out of the way……. let’s get down to it.

I will always back up anything I say with numbers. In 43 Super Bowls, there have been 3 starting black quarterbacks, Doug Williams, the late Steve McNair, and Donovan McNabb. Of those three, only one has won it. That was 22 years ago…and counting. Honestly, I don’t see another win anytime soon. The reason is because the black quarterback in the NFL relies more on his athletic ability than his brain. Because of this mentality, they have shorter careers because they take more hits outside the pocket, and they don’t win the big one.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you are looking for Michael Vick, Vince Young, who proclaimed himself to be the next black quarterback to win a Super Bowl, Jamarcus Russell, and yes, even Donovan McNabb, to win a title, you will never see it. They will give you plenty of ESPN highlights, but not many, if any, championships.

If I am an NFL owner, I want that traditional white, decent athlete, but intelligent quarterback leading my team. Give me Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, or Drew Brees. These guys know they don’t have that extraordinary athletic ability. Therefore, they will put in more work in the film room, studying the playbook, anything it takes to get an edge and put the TEAM in the best position to win.

You don’t see these guys with a posse of losers hanging on to them, taking them to the strip club to “make it rain”. Instead, these guys are the first ones to the clubhouse to work and the last ones to leave. In case you haven’t noticed, they tend to still get paid very well, win titles, get the hottest ladies (Tom Brady), and stay in the league for what seems like an eternity because their body isn’t getting broken down with vicious hits outside the pocket.

In summary, I challenge the black quarterbacks of tomorrow to prove me wrong. Prove to me that you are more than a running back with an arm. Prove to me that you are a true leader and not just another wannabe rapper masquerading as a quarterback. Prove to me that you care more about the game, and winning, than you do about your jewelry and cars. Prove to me that winning IS the ultimate goal. Prove to me that you have intelligence along with the athletic ability to not only compete, but blaze a trail for the quarterbacks coming behind you to follow. I challenge some middle school quarterback with NFL dreams because the ones there right now are not getting the job done. Man Up!