by LaVaron Lumpkin
Now that I have your attention, I want to say two things. First, I am an equal opportunity writer. The last article, “Why I Would Never Draft A Black Quarterback”, rubbed a lot of black men the wrong way. Well, sisters, it’s your turn now. Second, before you even go down the path of Ken’s son hates black women, or better yet, hates his own race in general; I want you to know that is far from the truth. Anyone that knows me personally will attest to that. They will also attest that I have very high standards for my race, the men in particular. And those closest to me knows that my family structure is that I am happily married to a beautiful black woman, have the smartest and most beautiful daughter walking the earth, and a newborn son, that his grandfather has already pegged to be an astronaut. However, I do not pull punches and make concessions for our shortcomings and failures. I speak the truth and nothing but….so hear goes Round 2!
With all the recent controversy surrounding Tiger Woods and his affairs, it is being said, “Here goes another prominent black athlete that is married to a white woman, and has taken a fall.” You can name a long list of prominent black athletes that have dated or married interracially. From Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, Barry Bonds, Michael Strahan, and the most infamous one of all, O.J. Simpson. Now, I cannot speak for these men’s personal feelings for why they allegedly date only white women. That is a question that they have to answer. But honestly, they don’t owe anyone any explanations because, at the end of the day, it is their choice and none of our business. However, I will say this, as a black man who has dated interracially before I got married; I dated the best available woman in my life at that time, with no regrets. To me, it was not about their skin color, or where they were from…it was about who they were as people. Just my personal feelings, I think the public see these couples together, and without knowing them, as people, what circumstances brought them together or any other dynamics of their relationship, and begin to pass judgment on the mere fact that they are an interracial couple. And that is flat out wrong!
Bottom line is this. Black women, you need to take that chip off your shoulder and start recognizing that you are constantly coming up short and on the losing end because of your mouths and your attitudes. I can honestly tell you, its not your looks, it’s not your style, but it’s definitely the way you come off not only to athletes, but to black men in general. You are sitting around complaining about a situation, but taking absolutely no accountability, no action, nor are you making any changes to make it better for yourself.
So LaVaron, whatever do you mean? Well, I’m glad you asked. How many times do we hear black women talking about “I don’t need a man?” “I got my own money, I got my own job, I got my own place to stay, and I can take care of myself!” Newsflash Sisters…that’s not something to brag about anymore than some idiot father bragging about paying child support! You are grown, it is an expectation, and it is what you are supposed to do! But that same passion and ridiculous self-glorification that you are bragging over is that same passion that you come to us with, and makes us, black men, want to have no part of you. Truth is you don’t hear men walking around bragging about having a job, car, money, or a house (except the rappers of course). We don’t brag about that because, we know that is what is expected of us. If you don’t hear anything else, hear this…if you don’t need us then we don’t want you.
The definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions and expect different results. This has been the attitude that black women have exemplified for as long as I can remember, and as you can see, the results are falling right in line. While you have your chip on your shoulder, you are losing more and more of your men to white women who have understood and mastered the art of wooing a man. The difference is they, white women, are equal opportunity wooers (if that is a word). The proof is in the pudding! They are winning the hearts, and wallets, of your men as you sit on the sideline missing the boat and complaining about a situation that you are in total control of.
Just to give a little background; I grew up playing football and basketball. I played a few years of college football. I have been at an HBCU and I graduated from a predominantly white college. So I saw it from both sides. Also, keep in mind that athletes run in the same circles. So I know guys that played at Division 1 schools, and I have quite a few friends and former teammates that made it to the NFL. The one thing that has been consistent when it came to women is the difference in the attitudes. At the end of the day, they all want the same thing. But they go about it different ways. A lot of it has to do with upbringing. We, as black people, raise our daughters to be independent. That is absolutely the right thing to do. You have to be able to take care of yourself. From what I understand, white parents do the same. However, I think we take it overboard to the point that our daughters grow up feeling as though they don’t need a man. What transpire into adulthood is black athletes, and black men in general, are the focus of the black women wooing him, and white women wooing him. Black women come with that ugly chip on her shoulder, and white women do not. This is because she has been brought up differently. She was raised to understand that a woman needs a man, and a man needs a woman. The end result is he, the black athlete, gets rich, and takes the one with less drama along for the ride…the white woman. Not because she is prettier or smarter. But because she knows how to connect to him better. Black women take notes!
Sisters, listen up. If you want the situation to change, you better recognize some things that are not pretty. You are at a disadvantage all the way around. First off, statistically, you are less likely to date outside your race than any other race that I can think of…but black men will date outside the race more often. Therefore, your pool of available men is pretty much black men but the pool shrinks from the start. Unfortunately, black men are far more likely to end up going through the criminal justice system, which in most cases will have a financial impact on their lives. When you count the higher percentage of black men that are either incarcerated or die prematurely, you have shrunk your pool by 30% right off the top. Of what’s leftover, you have to account for how many are 100% heterosexual. That shrinks your pool even more. When you do the math, the ideal 1 to 1 ratio has now gone to about 7 to 1(women to men). At this point, you cannot afford to make yourself any less marketable by having that “I don’t need a man” attitude that I spoke about. When you do that, you have left yourself even less options. And face it; no other race faces these obstacles.
So instead of hating on white women accusing them of taking your black men, what few you have left, away from you. How about looking in the mirror and seeing the truth. Which is, they are not taking them away; you are pushing the men right into their open arms. You can continue to try to justify your behavior and blame us by saying we can’t handle a strong black woman. Truth is, we adore and love strong black women. Your problem is you are confusing drama, big mouths, and bad attitudes for strength. When you recognize the difference, and make some changes, you will stop being insane, and start seeing some different results. However, if what you want to continue to attract are the thugs, with their pants hanging off their butts, then keep on doing what you are doing. If you want different results and to cash in on the real men out there, then change your attitudes and change your ways.
I will close by reminding everyone, I have a daughter. The best example that she can see is me and my wife loving each other, leaning on each other, and depending on each other. I cannot be mommy and daddy anymore than my wife can. She can try to do my role. But she can’t do it like me and when she does, something else is going to suffer. I cannot do her role like she can. I can try, but something else suffers. It is my desire to walk my daughter down the aisle one day, many years from now, and give her to a man that is going to love her, cherish her, support her, and protect her, just like I do. I know that will not happen for her if she is raised with that ugly chip on her shoulder that she doesn’t need a man. She has needed a man from the day she came into this world. That man was me. The same way I needed a woman and my son needed a woman the day we came into the world…for me it was my mother, and now my wife. For now with my son, it is his mother.
Hating on the women of other races are not going to bring your men back to you. The only thing that will do that is a change of attitude.
